Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forums, and I joined because I feel like I need to talk to people that may understand or help me understand how I'm feeling.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar a couple of years ago, now I'm 33. As I'm sure a lot of you will understand it was difficult to accept at first but also made a lot of sense of my past.

Initially I was put on Lamotrigine as a stabiliser. After a bad episode I was then put on anti-psychotics - Olanzapine. That seemed to really help me and I manage to unf*ck my life and get back on track.

Last December I decided to quit alcohol and caffeine, 8 months now! And I think that has also helped me, so much so I asked the psych about coming off meds and he took me off the lamotrigine gradually. Now I'm just on a really small dose of olanzapine (2.5mg).

For quite some time I've felt fine - or so I thought.

I've been struggling to concentrate at work and actually get any work done - I have plenty to be getting on with but I do everything else except work. This has been going on for quite some time, I mentioned it to my psych the last couple of visits but got no reaction. It's gotten worse and worse.

That in turn makes me feel a bit *****. Going home at the end of the day feeling very guilty, and worried at any minute I'll get sacked.

Then over the last couple of weeks I've noticed myself being irritable, short patienced, particularly at home with my wife and son. Nothing majorly bad, but just being short when I know I shouldn't be.

And when I get home, after putting son to bed, I do my own thing - I like playing video games and watching netflix to relax. But I'm struggling to play a game longer than 40 minutes, I get fed up, can't be bothered. Then when I'm watching my favourite shows I get bored, flick through my phone, get up wander around. Turn the tv off, think I'm bored, switch it back on struggle for a bit longer.

I'd like to do other stuff than just play video games or watch tv, like drawing (my wife got me a book i wanted on how to draw for father's day), but I just can't be bothered, it will take too much effort or I know I will be bored in no time.

Then I've been going to bed earlier than usual because I feel really tired, around 9.30pm, and sleep till after 7am. I've also had weird sleep over the past few weeks - having really vivid and horrible dreams and then waking up not feeling rested.

At work I don't speak to people that much, a few calls with colleagues and passing pleasantries on a cig break. But generally I really wish I could avoid the contact, I almost dread it, I can't be bothered with it, but when i do I am able to socialise or discuss quite happily.

Ultimately I'm worried that something is not right, but i don't really feel depressed. I have a good job, nice home, lovely wife and son, everything seems fine. And I seem to be coping OK - at least on the outside.

Sorry this has been a long post, if you've read this far, thank you for taking it in! I was hoping that someone could relate, or maybe just tell me I am over analysing my feelings.

Does it sound like I'm being paranoid about my bipolar or is there something wrong?

Thanks,