I agree 100% with BirdDancer. You didn't do anything to cause bipolar. Mixed states are Hell and I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Ignoring your mood and pretending it is normal is contributing to it affecting your life negatively though. You are inviting bipolar disorder to further impact you through your self hate and refusal to seek treatment. There are aspects of this we cannot control, but there are tons of actions we can take to help manage our lives in healthier ways. The choice to take action and change how you view and treat yourself is on you. It isn't a punishment. It is a gift that nobody can take from you.