Quote:
Originally Posted by InkyBooky
In my opinion, your T really missed an opportunity here. Your desire for him to stand (and be more mindful regarding his parting words) isn’t about the farewell greeting etiquette itself..... it’s about something much deeper in you. Yet he took your “demand” at face value. He really missed the mark. He should’ve immediately recognized this isn’t about him at all (or about sitting or standing). This is relational. This is deep and important. This is the core of your pain and vulnerability. He should be diving into the work with you right now...into YOUR work right now....not writing a semi-defensive email that’s really all about himself.
I want to say to him... “save the defensive foot-stomping for your own therapy, dude. This is about LT! THIS is the very work she needs to do. Help her look inside and get in touch with that pain and vulnerability- instead of shaming her and scolding her for expressing needs, wants, and desires. Of course you don’t have to stand if you don’t want to (insert eye roll)....it’s not even about that and it’s definitely not about YOU. Put your precious ego back in your pocket. Any decent therapist should immediately recognize the intense pain and fear behind LT’s “demand” and show some authentic empathy, interest, curiosity, support...and a desire/willingness to work WITH those feelings, explore those feelings, invite those feelings into the therapy room....not shame and push them away.”
Ok I’ll shut up now.
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Want to attend my session today and say this?
I appreciate your comments (and everyone else's, too). I know this isn't really about standing, but he's making it all about that and about him. When I was sitting in session sobbing about this, it should have been obvious that something else was going on. And he should have explored that. I even said in my email that I'm sure this is partly about something else, but he ignored that part and just talked about being micromanaged and s***. I'm expressing a need/want--he needs to figure out what it's about. Even if he was willing to stand, he should examine what it means to me.
In Monday's session, I also mentioned how the backup T I saw last week put her arm on my back when I left, and I said it was nice, though I knew he wouldn't do that. T's response was, "Yeah, I'm not a touchy-feely person." When that was another opportunity for him to examine what that meant to me, why it had that affect. The same with her sitting down on the couch next to me to show me a graph on her phone related to what we were discussing. T asked, "Did it make you feel uncomfortable?" I said no, that it felt nice. Again, that could have been something to explore. Why did it have meaning to me? I feel he's just so caught up in his own head and his own feelings...
You mention the curiosity thing--that's actually something I was talking about with a friend yesterday--she wondered if he has the innate curiosity about people that a T should ideally have.
Honestly, I'm wondering if he's going through something himself now. I say this not to excuse his words or actions. But he hasn't been wearing his wedding ring for about 4 months. I get the sense he may no longer be playing the sport that he played professionally for years, or at least is no longer at a competitive level (I know he injured his back earlier in the year and still seems to have some issues with it--he uses a back support contraption on his chair now.) Maybe his marriage is fine and he's still playing, I don't know. But I think he needs to look at whatever he's bringing into the room as well. He just doesn't seem to do that (and doesn't have a supervisor--he meets with a consultation group 6 times a year, but I think that's it).