When I first came here I was, and still am, in recovery from a mixed state bipolar episode and I can tell you it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Mixed state is horrible. I felt as though someone had turned out the light. I went from long term hypomania to a manic episode and straight down into mixed state. I came here looking for somewhere where they would know how that felt. They started me on meds and thanks to the treatment the mixed state has gone away. You definitely should seek medical help and the help of a psychiatrist so that you can start to feel better because you do not deserve this and this is not some kind of punishment. You deserve to feel better and you can with the right interventions.