I was going to post this in Bird Dancer's thread about finding ways to socialise during weekdays, but I realised it was off-topic.

I have done all the things mentioned in that thread, and spent years putting considerable effort into socialising. I make friends easily, and yes there were a few bad apples, but for the most part I luckily, attract truly lovely people. But I find being with them absolutely awful if I'm not completely stable (very rare state for me). If I'm depressed being with others sends me much lower, if I'm on the cusp of hypomania getting together with friends, even just one friend is like pouring gasoline on a fire.

So I retreat to my hermitage, and feel like like my moods recover more quickly if I don't socialise. I live with my husband and my cat, and apart from appointments and errands my socialising is now with them only, or online.

I get lonely sometimes, and I miss the company of other women - but I'm so tired of humiliating or completely draining myself. When I'm depressed or hypomanic I think my filter is working, but it's not , and I have said some truly inappropriate and embarrassing things while with other people, which makes socialising all that much more unhelpful.

My erratic sleep and moods does make it hard to follow through with plans, and I was always letting people down. Better that they invest their time and energy in someone who has the stability and finances .

Maybe I'm just meant to have a rich home life, and it's okay to let go of society's pressure to "get out there" , maybe I'd be more content if I just accepted it's okay to live a semi-loner life.