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There are many layers to this. Depression is a very self centered place to be. I say that from experience and I do not mean selfish or anything ego wise. You are hyperfocused on your despair and tune anything uncomfortable out. Then he starts to be with his friend again and feels happiness so he wants to cling onto it no matter what it costs. My FIL has a saying: "Theres no room for two families under one roof." I think that applies to typical families, to couples, to couples with roommates. You are right to want to be a united couple and you are not wrong to want love attention an affection. No, I do not think it is ok for him to spend all day with the friend and then ignore you or distance himself from you. He is not dating his friend, he is dating you. As a couple the only way to keep growing and moving along in the long term is for you to have quality time together and physical affection as well as emotional connections. You are not getting that now.
Personally I would tell him that the friend either needs to move out, get a job or something to do outside of the home; and that he needs to put effort into the relationship-effort that is consistent. I fear your heartbreak with continue if he doesnt change.
You have to accept that you ultimately can not control him and prepare yourself for breaking up. If he truly sees nothing wrong with this scenario you have to decide how much pain and resentment you are willing to put up with.
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"I carried a watermelon?"
President of the no F's given society.
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