I don't like going to therapists. I don't feel understood. I just feel like I'm part of their job, where I'm perhaps mildly interesting to them when telling them about my concerns, but in the end I'm just someone that needs to be fed some care and pills until they feel better.

It's the same with the suicide prevention lifeline. I called them once and never again. "You gotta give your life some meaning!". Yeah, no ****. To be fair, the call sort of did its job, because it turned my depression into annoyance. I just wanted to hang up already and do something more productive instead.

The only people I feel a connection with is those with similar struggles. I guess I'm one of those that seeks an equally broken partner to cling onto for life. To have their unconditional love and support, because they understand, while I can fully return these feelings. In theory, I think it's a beautiful concept.

And honestly, it was great. I only once had a relationship like this, but it was perfect. It was everything I ever wanted. However, it didn't last. She was too broken to carry on, and I'm left speculating what happened. She was often on the verge of breaking up because of her disorder, but never could go through with it because of her intense feelings for me. But in the end, she straight up disappeared. I can only assume she ghosted me because it's the easiest way for her to leave without her feelings interfering, or that she ended up killing herself.

Either way, it's devastating, but I have an entire thread dedicated to that already.

I probably got way too clingy way too quickly, and honestly I'd still take her back anytime if she ever returned. I think it's extremely rare to find someone so compatible, even if the mutual compatibility cannot sustain a relationship. I easily fall in love with matches like these, but only hardly move on.

I'm not sure what I expect out of this topic. I just wanted to talk about my way to deal with emotions. I'm not really looking for advice. I know it'd be better not to seek comfort in a relationship, but I don't see that changing for me. Feel free to sympathize or not. I just wanted to vent. And apologies if I posted in the wrong forum again.