Thank you all for the warm welcome! And for all your comments. It's nice to be able to talk about this with people who understand. It feels good to have someone relate.

I noticed last night me sighing heavily, putting my head on my desk in despair, my wife asking if I'm OK. We got a leak in the kitchen ceiling and have a £1400 repair bill which just adds to my worries. And yesterday I spent a lot of time on cig breaks feeling a bit stir crazy, telling myself I'm fine. For the first time in a long time I had the fleeting thought like I wanted to run a blade across my arm just to let out the built up mix of emotions inside me. I didn't do it, and I won't, but the last time I did it was a similar thing - born out of complete frustration.

I am wondering if it's my recent lack of being able to get on with work that has triggered things - frustration, boredom, anxiety, confusion. I don't know.

@Jedi67 - To be honest I want to come off my meds altogether, it's a little scary but I worry about the long term side effects of taking them. The doctor seemed happy enough with my progress to take me off the lamictal. I see a psych about every 6 months, and I try and be as honest as possible about how I am feeling. I've heard of CBT but my psych has never disussed it with me, I don't know much about it.

@Innerzone - I don't normally dread contact with coworkers, but I'm sure I've been here before with the whole feeling of just wanting to be left alone. It's slowly started over the past couple of weeks I think.

@BirdDancer - I had wondered about mixed features but didn't think there was enough apparent of hypomania. And it's good to hear you don't think it's very worrisome, I'd agree - I'm not having thoughts of suicide or just wishing I wasn't alive that I am more familiar with from past depression. My next appointment is in October, I'll try and remember to list these symptoms. Though as time goes on you can forget just how you felt exactly, I'[ll do my best.

@Nammu - thanks for the welcome!

@fern46 - Thanks for your support. I will try and mention all these things when i see the psych again, and hopefully they listen.

@yellow_fleurs - Thanks for the suggestions. I'm not sure what lifestyle changes to make, we moved house last year to a new area, start of the year I changed roles in my company to my dream job, I'm on a diet to lose weight, i recently trying to grow a beard (LOL!), I'm not sure what other changes to make. I could start running with the new shoes I got for v-day but never used but to be honest at the moment i really can't be bothered.

@Skeezyks - Thanks for your comments, I have been the same - I've pretty much always been able to get out of bed and hold down a job (for 13 years), I got very good starting from my early teens of putting on a reasonably good face despite the pain of depression I would go through. I guess a lot of people get good at that! Thanks for the articles, I confess I skim read them but I found some very relatable points in them with how I'm feeling just now.

Stopping drinking and caffeine I think has definitely helped, and was easier than I thought it would be, I know if I were to start drinking again right now I would likely go down a very dark path. I was craving a whiskey last night for the first time in months and managed to resist, because I know it won't lead anywhere good.

Thanks for all your feedback, it does sound like something may be a little wonky though nothing full blown. I'm not sure what to do next, where can I go from here to stop anything becoming to full blown? I don't want to be swallowed up by the darkness again, and I sure as hell don't want the mania to take hold and **** up my life again.