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He was married to his high-school girlfriend for basically all of his 20’s but eventually divorced her due to his sexuality and they remain good friends. He dated a truly evil man after her and needless to say he didn’t give himself time to heal before meeting me. We moved in together almost immediately, then moved into a place with my sister and her wife and that was when things got dark. We were at war with them all the time and it damaged my sister and my relationship. This went on for a year. Where we basically stayed in our room all the time. His depression got really bad and we argued a lot because my anxiety made me feel insecure a lot. I argued with him about little things all the time and got my feelings hurt easily. Toward the end of that year he made comments about how he thinks us living in different places but still being together would be good for his depression.
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It's important you pay attention to this Ravenhairedwolf. You are describing a man who kept living his life FOR OTHERS and did not get to really live for himself. He is probably laid back which is one of the things you liked about him in that you tend to be anxious and anxiety filled. However, a red flag he needs space and is feeling overwhelmed is his starting to withdraw.
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Overall, I just feel like this sweet, hopeless romantic I fell in love with is being stolen from me and basically is being brainwashed by his own depression to think I don’t care about his well-being.
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This is ALL ABOUT YOU here. You are smothering him with YOU, YOU, YOU. He keeps trying to ask for space in different ways and you respond with feeling anxious and end up holding on tighter. NOT GOOD! He is telling you that when he suggested living separately and seeing each other here and there. You need to learn how to LISTEN because if you don't you WILL lose him. Nice people get depressed when they experience another person who smothers them and takes over too much. The change in him is a reaction to YOUR being too much and he isn't getting his own space.