Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
It's important you pay attention to this Ravenhairedwolf. You are describing a man who kept living his life FOR OTHERS and did not get to really live for himself. He is probably laid back which is one of the things you liked about him in that you tend to be anxious and anxiety filled. However, a red flag he needs space and is feeling overwhelmed is his starting to withdraw.
This is ALL ABOUT YOU here. You are smothering him with YOU, YOU, YOU. He keeps trying to ask for space in different ways and you respond with feeling anxious and end up holding on tighter. NOT GOOD! He is telling you that when he suggested living separately and seeing each other here and there. You need to learn how to LISTEN because if you don't you WILL lose him. Nice people get depressed when they experience another person who smothers them and takes over too much. The change in him is a reaction to YOUR being too much and he isn't getting his own space.
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Thank for you this. I agree 100%. He has expressed these exact things. Saying he feels he’s always lived for other people and let people walk all over him and he wants to focus on him. I thought I understood that but I never *truly* got it until now. We had a talk yesterday and it went really well. Instead of listening to my anxiety I asked him questions and didn’t argue with him. I also apologized for how long it’s taken me to understand. I feel really really bad that I had such a bad approach this whole time, and I truly just wasn’t trusting him and listening to how he feels. Even though I really thought I was. We are already doing much better. I think just letting him know I understand and support him has made him feel so much better. I set him free and he’s not running away. He’s been a lot more present and affectionate.
I also really regret asking people with anxiety (my family and friends) for advice. I have a lot of people in my life who aren’t emotionally mature and they really enable my anxiety. What I really needed is tough love and a balanced point of view. That goes for my anxiety issues and being a better boyfriend. I love this man so much and I know he loves me. I just want him to be happy whatever it takes. I have become really aware of how toxic my second-guessing, intrusive “What if?” thoughts and general sensitivity are. To me and my relationship. I’m making the conscious choice to be more grounded for my sake and his sake.
Things are looking better!
