I am deeply sorry for what you're going through, @AmyCake! Life can be REALLY hard sometimes! It seems like you're already taking steps to be kinder to yourself and manage your expectations better! Be proud of yourself for that! Sometimes it can take a while before figuring out what we REALLY want from our Lives! As for everything else, I'm so sorry that you're going through ALL of this! Take things one step at the time. I'd also suggest to work with an experienced Therapist if you want to! Perhaps that will help! Please be kind to yourself and just keep trying your best like you're already WONDERFULLY doing ALL and ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF! As for your Husband, is he willing to go to Couple Counselling perhaps? Hopefully that will help as well! Just keep doing what you can and hopefully things will get better soon for you! Reach out for help when you can! Do NOT be afraid to speak up as you deserve a good life just as much as everyone else does! THAT'S A PROMISE! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need Advice and Support and keep venting here if that helps! THAT'S A PROMISE! I'm sure PLENTY of others will gladly help you as well! Please keep reaching out here or to ANYONE who may help you! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @AmyCake, your Family, your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!