Hello Kenda: What you are experiencing with your kids is not something I can speak to. (Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have some experiences or insights they can offer.) However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. 
You mentioned your son has ADHD. So here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on that subject:
ADHD Treatment in Children & Teens | Psych Central
ADHD Behavioral Interventions for the Home
Parenting Kids with ADHD: 16 Tips to Tackle Common Challenges
9 Surefire Strategies That Don't Work for Kids with ADHD
Parents Guide for Disciplining Kids with ADHD
https://psychcentral.com/lib/adhd-ki...dium=popular17
https://psychcentral.com/lib/setting...dium=popular17
https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-ways...eed-in-school/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit. 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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