I agree with you to a certain point. I found talking about my trauma helpful while it was "fresh," or while I was still having intrusive memories or flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks at things that reminded me of my trauma, etc. I think talking about it over and over desensitized me to the fear reaction and I think I'm mostly over that. But the older trauma...the stuff from my childhood I've talked about over and over every time a therapist asks about it, and I see no point in doing it anymore.

I no longer have a strong emotional feeling about those memories, but I can still see certain patterns in myself--such as when authority figures are inconsistent or moody I get freaked out which I equate to always being on edge with my father's alcoholism. But knowing that doesn't change my reactions.

There are different types of therapy. EMDR is supposed to be good for trauma, but it seems like hocus pocus to me. I do think it is more useful if you have those strong emotional reactions when thinking about it than for behavior change.

DBT is specifically for behavior change as well as emotional management. It has good clinical research behind it. It's also intensive and hard to find some places. I'm trying it. So far I have found it not at all pleasant. Going into a therapy office, complaining to a sympathetic listener and paying money is much more satisfying in the short term. But since I've been doing it for decades and am still not doing as well as I would like to be, I figure it's time to try something else.