Depression is cruel.

We are not responsible for they way we feel. Our bodies are telling us something is wrong. Our feelings are real and require processing.
Self love can help but takes much practice. Maybe try, accepting ourselves as we are and taking baby steps into the future as we feel ready to cope and hope round the corner there is a small reprieve.
Do you spend any time with your inner child?
Sending love, respect and hugs to you and your inner child