Sorry my posts are still being moderated because I'm new so there's a long delay between me posting them and appearing on the site.

@sarahsweets - thanks for your response. Yeah, I don't know what it is about being on meds that in general I don't like, but my main concern is the long term side effects of using these drugs. I'm thinking about 33, i got a lot of life ahead of me (hopefully!), and think what being on these drugs for 30-40 years might do. But maybe the alternative is worse e.g. suffering from depression or mania and the impact it might have on my life and particularly my family.

@BethRags - thanks for your response. It's good to have someone relate and that i'm not just over analysing. I could ask about restarting the Lamictal but my psych warned me before coming off them that they might not be as effective the next time round. He warned me about that in coming off drugs in general, that sometimes the next time they don't work so well or at all.

Yesterday for about an hour I felt really great again, or "normal", just happy. But it soon faded and left me feeling that something isn't right because I felt happy for a short while which provided a comparison to my current mood. I don't feel all that bad right now, but did go to sleep at 9.10pm last night - I felt tired and couldn't be bothered to do anything else. My wife was a little upset that I didn't bother saying goodnight to her, but I couldn't be bothered with that either and partly because if i go through saying i'm going to bed I don't want her thinking something is wrong.

I'm not sure what to do. 😞 At least right now it's a little frustrating and I'm not having full blown mania or depression.

I really appreciate all your comments, it helps tremendously knowing I'm not alone and having people that can relate or offer advice.

Cheers,