If I tell hem I'm not fine then they know something is wrong... it exposes me, it makes me look weak. I don't want to look weak, I want to look strong to them.

They asked today and I said it was fine, they didn't even notice what happened to my finger. I almost want them to notice so they know I'm hurting because I can't tell them. I'll always say I'm fine.

So angry at myself. I look terrible and bad now. I'll never get over it at this rate. And it always gets worse.