My T I think is playing a damn game with me.

Back story here.

Monday was our appointment.

Tuesday my father died

I emailed him that I am having problems and my resource tean (imaginary people in my head that are suppose to soothe the wounded scared child) sucks balls.

He never answers back. I am desperate. Call ex-T in a different sate. Ex-T calls me and tries to help. I chat with NEDA (national eating disorder association) because I am binging and purging.

All week I am struggling thinking I am suppose to learn that I am really alone here and not to rely on him anymore. So I TRY! I realize he is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. I went back to wishing I died in my sleep and do not have to live life. I hate life. I am really ok with just dropping dead. That is exactly how I felt prior to therapy with him. So nothing has really changed.

Normally I have an appointment with him Fridays at 2pm but we discussed I was in a workshop that day so no appointment.

At 2:01 on Friday I get this email.

[I]Well, I biffed here, I read this and thought OK, discuss on Friday. And then, on Friday, I remembered you were doing cupping. DOPE! Im sorry :-(

Damn resource team... come on guys! Get it in gear.

Feeling any better today?/I]

I feel like I am being played here. I do not believe him. I am not answering his email. I will have to answer to this at the next session

So to the OP post. I am hurt and am ashamed to admit it and to tell him how I really feel for fear of him really tightening his reigns like he as done already.