I understand your feelings and they are valid. I'm so sorry for what you're going through! You've said you've had a few good weeks - perhaps we can work on increasing the amount of good weeks between one episode or another. What do you think? Perhaps we can even increase exactly how MUCH good do you feel. Please don't give up hope. You're stronger than you think and I don't think that the worst-case scenario is inevitable. Try to do your best. Living can be hard sometimes. I'm sure you have that strength in yourself though. I'm glad you're here and that you're reaching out. You are ALREADY doing something about it even though you can't see it at the moment. Please be proud of yourself for the steps you're taking! It is NOT easy! Please be kind to yourself and stay safe, my dear, sweet friend! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your Wife, Humpty Dumpty!