Phoenix ~ You are like a page out of my book, we could be twins
I am 68 and living in an independent senior home with 184 other women. I am the youngest. My view of the world is everyone walking with rollators, walkers or wheelchairs and facing a brickwall. When I moved, I lost my garden and that was a great outlet for me. Just off my balcony I could be with nature, gardening, watching the hummingbirds coming to my garden - nature can be soo healing.
Here, we have infrequent social events. The events I have gone to are very clique, only the same people sit at "their" table and no one else is allowed. So, I don't get an opportunity to get to know anyone. I sit at a table and no one joins me, so I sit alone. I stopped going.
I am an introvert and it takes alot out of me to socialize and find I have to limit my time around anyone. Then the next day, I have to rest to recuperate.
Due to the fact I have agoraphobia, I decline most offers to go out to do things. Of the times I have gone out, something went sideways and out of my control and it frightened me, so staying home alone with my cat is all I can manage. Plus during a mood swing and irritability creeps in, I don't want to expose anyone to that aspect of my personality. Neighbors no longer invite me to outings. I watch them coming and going and wish I could be with them, but it's beyond my reach.
Most days I let my hair look like Phyllis Diller (a TV star of the 80's) and so I don't want anyone to see me looking this disheveled.
Some days I am more social than others, but mostly the norm is to isolate.
Then, there are the days that I do venture out and someone bullies me and it takes weeks of feeling destabilized and triggered to find some sort of balance and normalize my emotions.
Birdie
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix_1
I find socializing is exhausting. After an evening out with friends (no alcohol), I need at least 2 hours to wind down before I can even think of going to sleep. I try to be home by 10:00 and that's too early for most people. They call me a party pooper.
I'm an introvert which doesn't help.
Right now I have 1 friend. He has depression and GAD, and his mum was schizophrenic, so he understands me like no one ever has. I'm lucky to have him. My other friend moved away.
But I live alone so I get plenty lonely.
Since my diagnosis I've been in a holding pattern. I lost many friends years ago when I was sick and at my age I have trouble making new ones. I've belonged to a women's organization since 1980, and every member of my chapter deserted me. I was probably too much to deal with at the time. I joined an online group from the same women's organization but it wasn't the same and I quit. I've been staying at home, becoming a hermit.
I'm not one to go to senior centers to play shuffleboard or whatever with strangers. Even the thought of going to church is intimidating. I don't go to bars or clubs. Making new friends is hard.
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