You rely on triangulation a little bit. I know that is not a new idea as SD mentioned it too but I noticed it a few times. Bringing PC or friends into it, maybe as a way to voice the hard questions? I wonder what would happen if you asked the things you wonder about directly? I also sometimes wonder about your crying, if it is a way of getting T to say something caring or act caring? (Which isn't a conscious thing I don't think, after all a baby will cry until it is held or its needs are met, it knows that is how this works) This sounds like a bad relationship where the other party constantly persuades you to come back even though it is not doing what you need it to.
All of the above sounds harsh which I don't mean but I guess there it is. Ultimately I hope it helps but I can't help but be reminded of when you were with MC and how you would tell everyone it was helping you, only for it to explode later. Now your focus is on T and I hope sincerely it doesn't explode. You deserve wellness.
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