Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays
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If she weren't on vacation, I would feel less inhibited about shooting off an angry text or two to relieve my feelings of anxiety and vulnerability, not to mention the transient paranoia about her laughing. She doesn't really like it when I text her, but she tolerates it. She doesn't do email.
That leaves me feeling angry and impotent. I went and told her stuff, now I feel vulnerable. . .
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I don't know that I set my therapists up to fail and disappoint me, but they did. Maybe whatever it was that was doing that was pretty unconscious and/or kinda still is.
But what happened months AFTER the last therapist rejected me, please forgive me if you've read this before on a post of mine, is that the overwhelmingly awful feeling of have having been looked down on, unwanted, etc., in my family in my early life made its way into my consciousness. Really, really awful, I was in the bed depressed for 2 days and it affected me for a month or more.
So -- you probably know this advice already and can/may probably give it to yourself already -- feel your horrible, possibly unbearable feelings of anger and impotence. You're not really impotent now -- you're recognizing or speculating about what may be going on. You have an adult self, you may be powerless over your therapist in some ways but NOT in general.
Hope this helps some. If not, please ignore/reject it. (That kind of thing doesn't "hurt" me any more, if that is worth anything to know.)