I grew up in Russia in a big city. My parents always tried to teach me about being kind and friendly to others. They always tried to forbid me watching cruel movies and movies containing nudity. Obscene language and dirty jokes were a taboo in our family.


I didn't have many friends when I went to school. I was often bullied and considered the ugliest guy in the class.


I was also very embarrassed of being naked. I felt vulnerable even by taking off my t-shirt. I didn't go to swimming lessons because of that.


In my country every year all students have to pass a compulsory medical exam. It consists of several doctors. Some doctors require you to strip down. For me, being naked was the worst part, because nobody asked my consent and I couldn't say no. I was very ashamed of that.

The worst thing happened to me, when I was 15 years old. At that age all boys are required to register for Selective Service and pass an unusual medical exam. During this exam you have to visit all the doctors in underwear only, even the dentist. And wait for your turn in the corridor with other guys. There is almost no privacy and all doors are left open. Also many doctors were very rude. The dentist was playing on her smartphone, and then examined my mouth with her bare hands. When I went home I washed my mouth. Then I told my parents I feel tired and went to bed. I waited until they went to work and started to cry. I couldn't understand why this world is so cruel to me. I didn't do anything wrong and the only reason I had to be naked was that I am a 15 year old boy from Russia. I also couldn't understand, why do only guys have to register for Selective Service. I was laying in bed and crying. It was very cold and I tried to hug my pillow.


The next 2 month I spent in my bed. I got a severe otitis and the doctors tried to cure me with antibiotics.

After my recovery I developed a medical fetish and a BDSM fetish. I also decided to be easy going about nudity and talking about sex. I also turned up to be gay.


However, now I realize that my sexuality wasn't formed correctly. Instead of hugging or kissing I ask my partner to conduct a medical exam or to play Master-Slave. These are the only things, that I like now. These fetishes were hardwired during my childhood.


Many guys don't like my fetishes. They think that I am a weirdo. Are there any ways to get rid of my fetishes and live a normal healthy life?


PS: sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker