strike2:
So, to understand your story; you were married to your 1st wife for 10 years, but then got divorced because that relationship disintegrated over time that caused you to reach out to other sources for attention:
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After marriage, she became controlling, emotionally confrontational, and much less affectionate. As a result, I turned to pornography, online forums, and eventually cheated on her multiple times, though never to start a relationship on the side. It ended with a big physical fight between the two of us, a separation of 1 year, where I instigated the divorce.
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During the separation period from your wife of 10-years before your divorce finalized, you met your 2nd wife and stayed married to her for 5 years, before she cheated on you with a male friend she met through her new social group after marrying you. Yet you maintain a good, solid relationship with her son since you were the first stable male presence in his life.
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So, acting on my suspicions, I looked at her phone and found texts with one man since April. Thousands of texts, largely just talking about common interests, but then by mid-May, they start flirting with each other. She gives him pet names, he responds with playful pushes and emojis, and they talk about hugs, dinners, and trying to introduce him to her son without me around.
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I am sorry to hear that you have had two failed marriages now. That is a lot to emotionally grieve and process. Especially since both marriages weren't short.
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I've given up hope on my wife, am getting a divorce, and never want to hear from her again (ironically she is a therapist herself, but gave me more of the silent treatment after the breakup, which I told her just made me more upset and aggravated the situation...but, yeah).
She lets me talk with her son and spend time with him still (possibly just to be free of him, because she never spent much of any time with him over the years), but I have decided to move to Seattle with friends and a better job opportunity. I'm 40 now, and I just can't see myself doing another relationship at all after all this. I understand to give it time, but seriously, I have no desire to try and be happy for me now.
The two of them were my life, my family, more than my immediate relatives...I feel like I'm only living now to not make other people unhappy (should I want to end life), or be a burden to others. Thanks for taking the time to read everything.
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My personal experience with therapists has been that some take out their own personal problems on their patients, their friends and their family. They are fallible just like everyone else, unfortunately, and not always are a stable source of emotional support for people. Sorry to read that your wife/a therapist herself, acted so immaturely as to give you the silent treatment -- which she's well aware I'm sure, is a form of emotional abuse out of a need to control the other person through silence.
It's easy to see why that relationship with your 2nd wife aggravated you so much; she spends time with friends whom she won't include in your life, much less, the new man in her life she cheated on you with. That's pretty low.
I think it's AWESOME that you are moving to Seattle to be near your friends and find a better job opportunity. Can you take your son with you, or is he stuck with his emotionally vacant mother (she seems that way, from what you describe)?
Don't give up on a 3rd relationship. Just look at Ross from the tv sitcom Friends. Sure the guy got divorced 3 TIMES, but Rachel was there for him in the end. Your Rachel is still out there. Don't put such a limit on yourself with regards to marriage or another long-term relationship. Life's not over til the Fat Lady sings as they say.
You're still in the throws of grief and shock, so it makes sense that you can't see a happy future with another woman just yet. You need to heal from your 2nd divorce which takes time. Don't live your life to make other people happy. Live your life to make yourself happy. Easier said than done, or none of us would come to Psych Central for connection and support from others going through the same thing as we are.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself. One step at a time. Move to Seattle. Settle in. Reconnect with friends there. Find a great job. Maintain contact with your son. Eventually, after time, you'll settle into a routine and will feel grounded again. But right now? You just experienced an earthquake so your legs are still shaky from the after-shock.