I haven't posted in a really long time probably a year ago. I've been dealing with the VA, changing meds, moving to a new city and going to school. I've had a gf supporting me through a lot which I appreciate since shes dealt with the same thing. But all I want to do is just drink lately and ignore everything going on around me... I haven't been able to talk to a therapist in a month and a half because of the VA being so booked up with appointments. I've just had it with everything... ive been through a few really bad manic episodes in the last year.. last time I saw a doctor I wanted to get help because of how much I drink and they didnt do anything... I'm still here drinking like a fish to stop my thoughts and feelings. I dont know how to stop drinking on my own. I've worked hard to get better and it's all for nothing now. I haven't been this depressed in a long time and I just cant stop feeling like there is this huge void that's missing right now... I'm tired of having someone to help me because I cant do it on my own.