I think I also still feel a lot of guilt, and "I'm not worthy" kind of feelings.

Partially because I have done bad things - yes, I have sinned, no, I'm not worthy. And I'm not just talking about the coffee and wine...

But then, I don't know...I think part of it is also just feeling like nothing I do is ever good enough. It's like no matter how well I did in school, my mom would still criticize any little detail she could find that I did wrong. Or even if I did something good, there was always an older sibling who did it better.

I just feel like my whole life is just one big huge disappointment to everyone. Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough.