I never heard of co-op schools for homeschooling. Some of the private schools are $10,000 a year or maybe that’s a semester though H has heard from a co-worker that certain of the Christian ones will consider hardships, other issues like owing on hospitalization for that ulcer surgery I had and it’s aftermath and for iron infusions and drop tuition by half, but it’s still a lot. That doesn’t even get at the psych stuff though thankfully I have avoided psych hospitals of late. We have considered the idea of homeschooling but we’d have to find some activities for my daughter to do with kids her own age. And it’s a tough age, tweens. My daughter is a good self learner, and on the positive, both homeschooling or private school would get her out of the zillions of state mandated exams, which has dumbed down the public school system horribly in Texas because teachers teach for the test. Schools get scrutinized over these scores by the state, and pretty much can be shut down based on these scores.

Though there are times my daughter and I are like oil and water, others we get on fine. I focus too much on little things and miss the big picture.

I need back in therapy but need a new T as the one I had was canceling so much, I would see her maybe once every 3 weeks. I have realized I live my life and react to most situations as I did as a child at home, constantly terrified of my father (verbal and physical abuse), other stuff happening along the way not related to my father, never feeling that whatever I did was good enough for him, no positive reinforcement at all. My mom alone was fine, but with him, she never spoke up for us or went against his wishes. So I live still not feeling safe, feeling like that 4 year old girl pleading to stay longer and longer at my grandparents’ house, so I wouldn’t have to go home and be around my dad (who has his own business and works from home). I know H is completely opposite of pretty much everything about my father, H won’t react like my dad would have in any situation, and I am safe, but I can’t make myself feel safe and relax, I think I have fight or flight on a good 90, 95% of the time. Even now.