Hi Doremi72,

Sounds like a difficult childhood. Me myself had an encounter with my best friend after my first girlfriend told me I was a bad kisser. I remember it to be nice but we stopped seeing each other after we kissed a few times. I still don't know why. After that encounter I always was interested in girls. Always was sexually and emotionally attracted to women, all my life. Until a moment I had a Tinder date. For the record, I am now 30. On this Tinder date (last september) the girl told me she was in a relationship and wanted to cheat on her boyfriend before getting married. I don't know why but during that evening, even when she was giving me oral sex, I could not get it up.

I thought.. can I maybe be gay?

After I have no recollection of thinking I was gay. Until now, with my current girlfriend. There was a moment I had it physically difficult to remain an erection (on the very first time we were in bed together). Again I thought, am I maybe gay? And I started to think about a men sucking my ****. I don't know if this helped. I don't think I had this moment again with my girlfriend. you need to know, I love her very much and want to be with her all the time. But also questioning myself if I am really in love...

A few weeks ago I suffered from a panic attack and since the second panic attack I have this strong feeling I am gay. But rationally I know I can't be. Although I keep thinking I am... I think/hope it is a kind of distortion in my brain. If this is, maybe it could also be a distortion in yours?

Any help on my issue is not perse necessary, but I'd love to hear if someone has the same...

Good luck Doremi72