I don't understand myself. I'm not usually like this. I'm having this strong push and pull inside me. I'm doing something good for me tonight--going to meet a friend for coffee, but then I'm not doing something good for me, taking care of the wound. I don't know why I'm acting this way unless it still has something to do with not feeling like T gave an empathetic enough response. So maybe I'm just like well, forget it then, I'm just going to mess up anyway. But it's also soothing to the sui feelings so I don't know what's up. I see T in 5 days and 2 hours. I don't like myself too much right now because I'm not acting in a way that I think is appropriate. I'm possibly reacting and I don't like that. Maybe I'm trying to test T. Surely that's more useful than just coming out and telling her, I wish you would have given me a more empathetic response (sarcasm). I also feel like the wound isn't "bad" enough to require treatment, though I know it would heal better if I got it treated. There's something in me saying, "You didn't punish yourself enough." Argh. I wish T was tonight so I could get this figured out and stop behaving so oddly.