Ok I have not really talked about the reasons why I drink and I dont know If this is the right place to do so But I just feel so Trapped.

Iive been drinking since I was 15 I would not say Im an alcoholic I just binge drink.Why you are probbably thinking?Too make myself seem real? To deaden the pain of the life Im living now? Its stupid as even though I know Im going to hurt myself when Im drunk I still drink....Its like im nothing without the drink.....

One of my main problems is that when I have had a drink I dont just cut .Here comes the real psycho bit......I go out walk around the streets at night self harm and then call the police or ambulance out to come rescue me?
I feel so afraid to say that as I get rejected as soon as I admit what I do.Trouble is I dont see that Im doing anything wrong? I need help so I call for an ambo?? or the police.Its just cause I panic.I hope none of u reject me.as Ive been called an attention seeker so many times which Im not!!

This is the first time Ive admitted to everyone here On the group whats really going on? Im probbabbly just babberling on I just have to get this out.The police dont come out to me now when I call them and that scares me ,what if there comes a time when I really need them and they dont come?

Im so screwed up but I cant stop doing this.........

Can anyone help me here??