I would like to thank everyone for their responses, I really appreciate it.

Thus far I have been in about four (4) IOP programs, seen countless therapists (the availability of them is dwindling due to many not participating with insurance) and at least have a relatively good psychiatrist.

I try not to be hard on myself, knowing I only have so much control over this illness. I do my best to sleep well (being a college student and working), take my medications as prescribed and try my best to see a therapist once a week if I can.

I think my problem is I truly hate myself deep down, not that I want to but it's there. People say I come off as enormously confident and charismatic, meanwhile I laugh because I have learned to be a good actor (Which is EXHAUSTING)

Just in case anyone was wondering....

30mg Adderall XR
150 extended Wellbutrin
1.5 Vraylar

Again I appreciate the feedback!