I can understand feeling a little defeated after such a long run of wellness. Congratulations on maintaining your stability that long on your own. That's really amazing.

I think you could focus on the knowing that this may happen again and that you are sick, but perhaps you are missing an opportunity. The fact is that you were strong and brave enough to seek help when you needed it. You are proving to yourself that you are stronger than your illness and you have risen above it to handle it properly. That's really something to be proud of in my book. I have only suffered one episode, but I pray all the time that if it happens again I will have enough self awareness to seek help before things get too out of hand. You've done exactly that for yourself. I think it is impressive.

This depression won't last forever. You now have a proven history of long stable periods in between episodes. I think it is important to remember that and believe in the possibility of another long and healthy run once this low period you are in resolves. You can also take the knowing with you that you will handle yourself properly if and when your mood shifts again. That's valuable knowledge. Blessings to you for wellness and brighter days ahead.