I'm being triggered at every turn, it seems.

So I'm trying to do a little better, then the phone rings. It's my dad, of all people. I ask how he is and he tells me he's again feeling really depressed and lonely. He asked how I am. I lied and said I'm doing OK. Then I asked if he's taking an antidepressant and he said yes. Then I said that he shouldn't drink while on one and that alcohol is an antidepressant. In response, he said "Oh, I haven't drank in a long time. I don't even remember when." Of course my brother tells us he's been drinking since he got back from the hospital. Then he asks me if I'd come over to visit him. To that I finally had to tell the truth.

"Dad, I'm afraid I wasn't completely honest with you. I'm actually NOT doing OK. I didn't want to worry you or anything. I'm afraid I really can't come over, even though I do want to support you and am concerned."I also told him that he can call me as much as he needs (I wish he wouldn't right now, though), and that he should enjoy the weather.

"It's too hot outside", he said. Then I suggested he treat himself to some nice little lunch. "I can't drive.", he responded. Well I wonder why he can't drive? Probably because he's drinking! Though I didn't voice that.

So now I'm all totally stirred up after trying to calm down a bit. I told him to call me after his nap. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Now I feel bad that he thinks I'm sick. I hope that doesn't depress him even more.

I called my husband immediately after. Then I called my sister's house. I didn't expect my sister to be there, but wanted to reach my nephew to ask him to go visit my dad. My sister, her husband and my nephew live down the street from dad. Sis was there, working from home. I told her that my mood is elevated and that I've been struggling to get control of it and am even afraid to go to the grocery store, let alone drive all the way to see my dad -- my current biggest trigger. She said she'd ask my nephew to visit him. After I hung up, I didn't remember if I had called my husband. I really wasn't sure. I kind of thought I had. So I called him and asked him if I had called him 10 minutes earlier. He confirmed that I had.

Now I don't know if I should take yet another Seroquel PRN. I'm a little reluctant to. I'll wait 15 minutes and decide then.