Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I have no idea what you mean about the family holidays. And I don't think I'm treating my T so horribly. His original back injury was like 6 months ago, and it's not like he's mentioned it. I had no way of knowing that standing up from that particular chair would hurt him more than his other chair. I know this is a very different relationship, but an example I gave earlier this week is that if I asked H to get milk on his way home, and he just replied, "No." without explanation, that would bother me. If he said, "No, I have to stop for gas and that will already put me home late," then sure. I give other people explanations if I can't do something. Like...to use an example with T, I wouldn't have just asked him if he could decrease his rate for me without explaining why. If I have to cancel plans with someone, I'd give some explanation for why. If a friend is like, "Can I have a hug?" I wouldn't be like, "No!" without saying, for example, "I'm coming down with something" or "I'm just not a touchy-feely person so it makes me feel uncomfortable." Maybe I'm just weird, I don't know. But my mom always required explanations for everything, sometimes multiple ones. I didn't feel like going to dinner on vacation? I'm tired? No that's not good enough. I have a headache? Also not enough of an excuse. It's a migraine? "My friend has migraines and they're really bad, but yours certainly can't be as bad."
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LT you dont owe anyone an explanation and nor do they owe it to you. Yeah it's so much easier if they just tell you why or you tell them why but you dont have to. I'm not a huggy person, my friend recently was upset but she knew I wouldnt hug her. I got her Kleenex and my cat to cuddle. I offered her support and care but I dont hug, I dont need to tell her why and nor has she ever asked in 10 years of knowing me. No one HAS to explain themselves.
In the situation of your H and the milk what if he said "I cant do that, but what if I went and got milk at x time?" would that still upset you? I feel it's a play on T saying "I'm not able to stand up at the end but if we change when you pay I'd be standing" no explanation or excuse but still a no.
I dont think you are doing anything wrong but I do think you are on an interesting path.
I dont think caring about someone means you get to know either, wouldnt your mum claim she asked because she cares?
it's all super interesting and if you can stick with seeing beyond his standing or his explanation as the problem then it seems like you are onto something.