I have a good friend who used to be a work colleague. I first met her almost 40 yrs ago when I was also seeing former T and wading through deep, deep poo (just for you, una). She is someone to whom EVERYBODY attaches. Seriously, it's like that Seinfeld when Kramer has to get cured of the "kavorka." People are just drawn to her. Her son is the same way. Anyway, now we laugh about it because she sees herself as someone who wants to be the archetype of the crazy cat lady--living alone on a mountaintop with 100 cats--and no people!


But when I met her and as I spent time with her, I found myself revealing a lot to her--stuff only T knew. I'd never told anyone anything before. In hindsight, I realize she was very T-like: not in her responses at all, but in her acceptance. Anything I said or felt was just accepted. I experienced, really for the first time in my life, what it felt like to just BE with another person. It was incredibly freeing. I also realize now that part of that feeling was because she accepted 100% my boundaries wherever they were on a given day.


Growing up, I wasn't allowed to have a boundary about anything: emotional, cognitive, physical, sexual. So it was just stunning to me to experience what having boundaries respected really felt like, and just how freeing it was. I didn't need to think about what to say or not say, whether saying something would cause her to hurt me or end the friendship. And it's still the same: neither of us demands anything of the other; we just accept each other as we are. And while we each do considerate things for the other, there's no demand or need being fulfilled. The freedom for each of us to just BE is the glue that has kept the friendship going for so long.