What happens if your pdoc says something stupid, then you yell "**** you, dumbass" and run out? I can see that happening today. I don't want to go because I'm three quarters convinced I won't come home. I don't know what to tell her without flipping out because she doesn't have my best interest in mind. Only I do. I keep interpreting things the opposite of what people say like at my last appointment she said "call the emergency line if you quit your meds" and I took that as "quit your meds." And in group they said they didn't want anything bad happening to me and I think that means as "you gonna die, and we gonna be behind it." Is death bad? I don't think so because it doesn't exist. I'm terrified of becoming a figurative parasite, but becoming a literal parasite kinda excites me.
I'm petrified of these people. On a different non-mental health forum someone said my thinking is "compromised" but I feel like this is the first time I'm truly aware of reality (this one and others) and it's scary.
I want to run off and hide in the woods for a few days instead of going to this appointment. In group they said it was my organic wisdom to call the therapist, but I'm thinking that was just stupidity.
I'm highly regretting that day years ago when I asked for help, because it's only screwed me over.
Advice (that I'll take the opposite way)?