I agree with Innerzone. This type of existential thinking is a huge red flag and was heavily present in the psychosis I experienced. Your doctor may not have your 'best' interests at heart because it is difficult to entirely know what is best for another person. However, your doctor can at least provide you with a plan for better than what you are experiencing now. Aim for health and safety and leave the 'best' part for another time when you're back to more of a rational thinking pattern.