Intellectually I know all there is to know:
- It wasn't my fault.
- I was the 'victim' (I HATE that word)
- It was abuse, even if it wasn't that bad
- I didn't deserve it

... but why do my emotions play with me and tell me otherwise, consistently?

How is one supposed to process this? I can't at T, because she's leaving in 2? meetings. I don't want to seek out therapy specifically for this. I want to do it at school, where I feel safe with counsellors around that I genuinely like (the ones I've been in contact with anyways).

Is there a book I should read? Is there some sort of mantra I should say to convince myself of all of the above?

... I just want the memories to stop. They got bad again over the weekend since I went home, and now it's freaking me out again.

How does one "get over" this? Is it even possible?

I feel like damaged goods. And very ... icky, dirty, bad.

Ewww.

If this post makes no sense... other entries are posted here:

TRIGGER WARNING. DO NOT CLICK IF YOURE NOT IN A SAFE SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no more memories, please (Jan 25/08)

What HE did to me (September 11/07)

There are other posts... but that's good enough.

Any help appreciated, thanks everyone