GOOD NEWS (FOR ME). SHE'S STAYING!!!

I'm sure people are going to say I'm an idiot for wanting this. Wanting to be with a woman who wants me to change so much. People should accept you for who you are. However, in my case, as I mentioned, I grew up emotionally abused (my mother was, later in life after I moved out, diagnosed as severely manic and severely bi-polar and while I was growing up she had zero medication). I have certain tendencies in my behavior that show themselves when things escalate and result in what could be considered mild forms of emotional abuse (trying to score a point to hurt someone). I also prefer sitting on the couch to going out, don't like doing housework so I don't, etc. The changes she's asking for are are ones that will make me a better person overall.

What finally helped? Well, one of our big areas of stress has been finances. We don't have money saved for retirement and should have hundreds of thousands saved by this point in our lives. We have a large boat and spend a lot of money on it. We don't use credit cards so our fluid debt is not big, but we also spend enough that we don't save. We were already in the process of downsizing our house since our kids have moved out, but the boat and some other stuff are big stresses. However, the boat has always been my sanctuary. We lived on it for several years (on purpose) with our kids and went cruising the the Caribbean and back. I have dreams of moving back onto her when we retire. Those dreams used to be shared, but the financial reality has changed them.

So basically I told her that I'm willing to sell our boat and our other few big expensive things. What I've been doing with our finances obviously hasn't worked and that I am open to her ideas. That I'm up for moving into a small house (which is what our intent was anyway since it's just the two of us now), selling the boat, putting money away for retirement and getting rid of our financial stress.

She feels that by doing that she will have the emotional energy to help me become a better person. Without it, all she saw was that we'd still have major stresses in our life in addition to me, and that she could get rid of all of that by living alone. If I'm willing to subscribe to her plan of the next part of our lives, she's willing to give us another shot and truly invest back into the relationship.

I'm actually OK with selling the boat. One, it's just a thing. Second, we take 4-6 week trips on her every Summer, and when we did our trip this Summer I hurt like hell afterward. I realized she's not the boat we'd want for retirement anyway. However, selling her will definitely leave a void in my life I need to fill, and I need to be careful that I don't resent my wife for MY choice to sell the boat.

Anyway, hopefully I'll never be back here again. I appreciate the help and thoughts everyone provided!!!