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Sunrise said:
I have been in this abusive relationship with my H for 20 years because I am just repeating the pattern of my childhood.

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I'm doing this too and the realization of this has been SO hard to deal with. My T keeps highlighting the similarities between my parent's relationship and the one I have with my husband. I get so angry inside when she does this. Its like... I KNOW ALREADY, I'm a complete moron for doing what I did, stop throwing salt in the wound. Part of me wants to work through these issues and save my marriage but when it is compared to my parents marriage, I just OUT and away from my H. Therapy has helped me and my kids by reducing the abuse and escalating violence, but unfortunately it has made me a lot more uncomfortable about what is going on between my husband and I --on several levels.

If you H is anything like mine, he has trouble realizing his affect on people because he can't get though his thick head that to treat people that was is wrong. You just have a problem with it because you are too sensitive, or just misunderstand what he is saying, or can't take a joke, etc. According to my husband, the kids and I just need to toughen up and get over it-- it simply the way he is.