It's all about finding connection, isn't it? And somehow, having been deprived from real connection in our first years, there's this eternal hunger and longing for it.

And I find, paradoxically (or not), that starting to form a real connection with my T makes this hunger and yearning even stronger, at first. Little me constantly crying, yelling, even tantruming: I want more of this. And I want it now!

And every break, and every cancelled session is a major emotional desaster in this context, even though I can rationalize it away. But the emotional pain of being lost and forsaken stays with me.

This is where I'm at. And maybe, feeling this hunger and yearning is even part of it all. I have the hope that someday I'll be able to hold on to the connection without those massive bouts of longing and yearning, because I've entered more secure grounds.