Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll
It's all about finding connection, isn't it? And somehow, having been deprived from real connection in our first years, there's this eternal hunger and longing for it.
And I find, paradoxically (or not), that starting to form a real connection with my T makes this hunger and yearning even stronger, at first. Little me constantly crying, yelling, even tantruming: I want more of this. And I want it now!
And every break, and every cancelled session is a major emotional desaster in this context, even though I can rationalize it away. But the emotional pain of being lost and forsaken stays with me.
This is where I'm at. And maybe, feeling this hunger and yearning is even part of it all. I have the hope that someday I'll be able to hold on to the connection without those massive bouts of longing and yearning, because I've entered more secure grounds.
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I was doing fine up until I cut back from twice a, week to one a week.
I even looked forward to the breaks.
But the dropping a session has made a difference.
I've the next few days are over. It'll be fine.
But as you say. Whrn there's such a huge hole from childhood. That feeling of not enough remains.
A lot of people will deny those feelings. Take a pride almost in being above it all *rolls eyes*
I find emotional honesty is required to get to where I want to be.
My emotional honesty is that this hurts.