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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
Thanks Maybeblue. I like your perspective from both sides. I don't know why (I'm going to think on this some more), but the word love is important to me. However, after reading all the definitions and synonyms I realize that "love" is too vague.
I'm thinking of taking a list of feeling words, and presenting them to her. So maybe if she doesn't want to or can't say "love", maybe she can say these other words.
I was talking to my dad tonight. He was telling me that I shouldn't just listen to the words, but to notice her body language, facial expressions, tone and volume. He said that the person might be able to lie, but the body or maybe unconscious can't. (He tells a lot of stories, so sometimes the meaning gets lost).
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I like the idea of the list of feeling words. I also think that you should tell her why it's important to you--because you want to believe that you are loveable. And I agree with your dad that you should pay attention to the body language, just being aware that sometimes people can misinterpret that too.
I think about when I told my client that I loved her, I was probably a little hesitant. My gut said that it was the right thing to say to her right then, but some of my training was more hesitant. I'm a student therapist and to be honest, I don't think my supervisor would have thought it was OK. At the same time this was a client who really needed to feel lovable and I do love her, so I said it. Therapeutic relationships as helpful as they can be are still weird and complicated.