Quote:
Originally Posted by BestSelection
Thanks for all your help. It’s hard because my girlfriend is long distance, and i’ve cheated with her on other women in the past. I feel like it’s also matriculated into HOCD and it’s horrible.
I feel like my tocd as a whole is getting worse as well. I feel so withdrawn and don’t know what’s real or what’s not. i have trouble sleeping and i’m so worried i have a hidden desire to be trans gender. I’ve never been worried about how my voice sounds and now i’ve been paying so much attention to it. My body feels so out of place like i feel uncomfortable. My mind thinks about this 24/7 and i can’t get it out of my head. I just want to feel like i did before all this, a couple weeks before my girlfriend left for home. When she was here my intrusive thoughts stopped for the most part until a couple of days before she left.
Any ideas? Could i possibly be trans? I don’t want to be trans at all I like being a man but i’ve found i can’t find joy in anything i liked before and it’s sickening.
Have any of you gotten help? What should i do?
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I'm sorry I only just now saw your reply. (I don't subscribe to the threads I reply to.) You asked if you could possibly be trans. Sure I suppose that's possible. But that's something you would probably need to delve into with the help of a gender therapist. You also mentioned HOCD. So my non-professional impression is that you may have several things going on here, trans OCD, HOCD, anxiety, etc. & it's all sort-of twisted together into this knot of confusion.
Personally I really think what's called for here is some in-depth work with a mental health therapist, preferably one who is knowledgeable with regard to these sorts of issues. It's going to take time & work to unravel all of this & figure out what it means for you. I can relate to it because I've had a similar struggle my whole life. I did see a gender therapist for a brief time. And it was SO comforting to be able to talk about things I had kept hidden my whole life. I don't know how else one tackles something like this.
I suppose other options might include reading some books or watching some YouTube videos on the transgender experience. You could also go on one of the trans forum websites such as Susan's Place or TransPulse & read posts there & communicate back-&-forth with other trans people & see how that makes you feel. My concern with regard to that approach is that you may not learn anything you don't already know & it may inflame your trans OCD.
It occurs to me that what you're experiencing really may have little or nothing to do with being trans or gay & everything to do with having OCD. And possibly being transgender, as well as sexual orientation concerns, are simply the hooks your OCD happens to have hung its hat on, so to speak... if it wasn't for that it would be something else. And so, from that perspective, what may be important here is not to worry so much about whether or not you are trans but rather to do what you need to do to address your OCD-like tendencies. And then once you can address these tendencies you'll perhaps be in a better place to figure out if you still have transgender feelings or if, as I wrote before, being trans was simply what your OCD happened to lock onto. Does that make sense or am I just aimlessly rambling? (I'll try to keep better track of your thread so that, if you reply again I won't be so late in responding.)
