It's a rollercoaster, but I know that it's possible to be ok and a little bit more in control

But regarding me, specifically, I feel I really ruined my life and people around me

It's so hard because sometimes i feel really ready to go, to disappear, closing my eyes hoping that the world will be ok
But I can't abandon my family now, it's cruel

I wish I could rewind to 2016 or at least to the beginning of 2019

I made a lot of damage in the last two years while I was depressed and unemployed, i really went down and screwed everything

I lost people and can't communicate with them anymore. The doors closed while I was having that psychotic episode... such a strange experience for me, but I don't even know how they feel now One person in particular, I hope he's happy
He run away but didn't know me enough, I scared him behaving a bit strangely and couldn't explain who I am without depression... just a person with her own life experience

Maybe I could have been a good friend to him and I just hope he will find soon comfort and good people
I wish someone could listen to my prayers

But mostly feel sad and humiliated/humiliating

I'm so sorry