I'm sorry I didn't see your post until now, Wild Coyote. I hope you sleep well tonight. I hope I get to sleep at some reasonable time. I had to take a PRN of Seroquel again. I'm thinking that maybe I should have my Seroquel XR raised to 600 mg or even 650 mg.

I had a talk with my husband tonight about my sanity. I feel it's only hanging on by a thin rope. Hubby agreed and wants me to talk about it with my therapist tomorrow. I didn't tell him that I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday after only two weeks from my last appointment.

Insight is happening, but not always. Sometimes I know I am not right, but don't care. I do/say/write things, then later realize how I must look to others, particularly people that don't have mental illness or don't understand fully what my situation is. I used to have such reactions roll off my back to a great degree, but now I am sometimes shocked to see that I appear as freakish, for lack of a better word. Does anyone here understand? Has anyone here experienced scaring people off? There is that moment of clarity when I think "It's like I am an alien."

I'm getting more and more careless. This is not unusual for me, but lately it's more severe. It's a lot of little things, like breaking things, driving in the wrong direction, leaving the hose on, etc.

All of the above-mentioned are reminders to me that I am not able to function in a sufficient enough way to really operate in the mainstream world. I am still disabled. I told my husband that if I had a job, I wouldn't be able to last for many reasons. A panic would set in because of pressure. My thinking would become even more dysfunctional. I'd definitely make mistakes or forget important things and be reprimanded. If reprimanded, I would surely worsen. Also, I don't believe that I could honestly vow not to make other significant mistakes. It's not that I am intellectually incapable. No. It's that I am psychologically deficient.