Ex-T was the only T to use the word love with me. She said it twice, but I forgot one of them. The one I remember is "I want you to feel safe and loved when with me". I wonder now after she left me, did she love me? She's yet another person who I thought loved me, but hurt me.

I don't think L is going to hurt me. I hope not! I know my relationship with her is slightly different than any of my other Ts because I know our individual sessions will come to an end one day. No other T did we talk about an end. But we have discussed only a little that our relationship can and will continue after the end of individual sessions though we haven't discussed what that will look like yet. But my point is, I don't think she's going to abandon me. She doesn't have to at least. She will be rid of me at some point.

Maybe she doesn't feel love for me. I'll have to accept that. But I do wish she'd feel that way or similar. Like T being the first person to not abandon me, maybe L can be the first person to love me and not abuse or abandon me?