I'm 36 and I've been with my husband all of my adult life. I'm often disconnected for me meds aren't going to fix that. Days that I don't see him as an enemy and actually believe he loves me are good days. I sick around by withdrawing on the bad days. If you can afford it intensive therapy with couples therapy may be useful. Why aren't we divorced ? Well, I love him and accept him and he loves me and accepts me. I also warn him when he can't do anything right. Sometimes I think they'd be better off without me. Sometimes I think I'd be better off without them. Some times I feel trapped and tricked. I have to remind myself these feelings will pass. That they/I care.

Like last night: I told him "I love you, I'm going to bed" he said "I love you" back. 2 min. later I scream "I love you" from the room, He texted and asked if that was to make him go to bed. I told him "No, I just believe it tonight". We probably said it 5 more times before I fell asleep. I was a nice feeling given that a few days ago I thought he was going to try and hospitalize me.