Thank you, Skeezyks.
There are also more threads like mine recently. I'm curious to read.
But I've read some of the articles and read a lot about narcissism and relationships in the last years. The part where I don't fit the mold is: I don't have low self esteem or a past of an abusive family.

His behavior is very strange to me. He's not at all like my family. We're nice, happy, democratic, we say what we have to say but politely for fairness. But I learned to be way to tolerant, way too acceptable. My family doesn't like this relationship, but they try not to hurt my feelings.
I'm a strong feisty woman, I fight for my rights, I defend other people's rights. I never ever thought this kind of person existed and would cross my path.

The part where he doesn't fit the mold is: he has tidbits of feelings and compassion. He's not a complete jerk. Just very unhealthy. And I have to keep pulling that side out.


sarahsweets, you are right.

That's how my rational side talks to me. That I can't tolerate this, but as I say, I tend to let it go, to dismiss it.
He says he makes racist remarks just to tease me (which isn't surprising - in fact, he's doing more and more to tease me, but I know he is racist) , so now I tell him "I'm not annoyed, I'm just disappointed with you, I thought you were smarter". This touches his buttons. so he thinks twice.
I fight back, I'm assertive with him, and I think he tries to be better. And that tells me he's not a complete lost case. But...is it my job to do this?


We're friends. He is supportive, he calls me everyday, and we see each other sometimes, if he stops by, before going home, to say hi...


But...I tend to ignore the bad stuff after have happened. I don't care. I have other stuff to do and think about.

So I only see the abuser when he is abusive. I also don't live with him, so the distance protects me from that side.
When we lived together it would be easier to break up, because it was unbearable.

When I think about breaking up, I think I'm being mean. Or if I think I deserve better, I'm afraid I'm being too demanding, or only seeing the bad stuff...


I obvious have a twisted way of seeing things.