Divorce isn’t feasible... it just isn’t for many reasons.... so I just need to accept things as they are.

My husband and I don’t ever eat dinner together and rarely go out to eat together. We rarely watch TV together. He’s in a better mood if I stay away from him. I keep to myself a lot and if I want to do something I go on my own or join a group, find friends, etc. I gave up asking him to do things with me because the fights weren’t worth it. On the rare occasion we do something together it’s something he enjoys, not something I specifically wanted to do..

We haven’t taken a vacation together in years and if I bring it up it’s a big fight. He complains that I don’t manage money well. He blames me for anything that goes wrong... like if I walk up behind him and he spills something because he didn’t see me coming he will be angry and it’s my fault.

I can’t stand him most of the time. He has let himself go and doesn’t seem to care if I am attracted to him. I try really hard to take care of myself but he doesn’t really care one way or the other. I hate being in the car with him because he complains and yells at all the other drivers. He’s not nearly as good a driver or as nice a person as he seems to think he is.

Ten years ago if I could have seen this would be my future I would have not wanted to be with him. I have a lot of regrets. Most days I just get along with him and accept this for what it is. I find other people to talk to or I come here. I never tell anybody IRL how my marriage really is. Sometimes I make an effort to do things with him that he enjoys or to be really nice and pay him complements or whatever it is he wants. It doesn’t seem to make a difference to him one way or the other.

Today I just feel sad that this is the way my marriage turned out.