Hello. I'm 36, Married for 15 years with 2 kids: a boy 13 and a girl 8.
I came here today about my issue because I have no one to talk to about it, I certainly don't want to talk to family or friends about it, and I feel I'm gonna burst if I dont get this off my chest and get some advice.
I found out my husband looks at teen girls online. He checks out high school girls in sports team photos and photos on Facebook of high school girls.
He fessed up about the sports teens he was checking out, because I caught him looking. When I questioned why, he claimed it was because he liked their uniforms, 'not the girls', he stated, the uniforms. And then went on to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am and tried very hard to convince me he wasn't a pedophile or sexual predator. He firmly stated again, it was just the uniforms he was looking at. *eyes roll*
I admit after that I snooped on his phone afterwards. You know, to see what else he was into other then "volleyball or soccer uniforms" that just -happened- to be on teen girls. I find pages and pages of Facebook photo galleries of teen girls. Teens posing in front of their lockers at school for gods sake! Our entire relationship he's always checked out woman online. I can deal with that okay, I mean he's a man, that's what they do, right? I can deal with porn, lingerie, models, actresses, nudie mags, even other woman he randomly looks at on Facebook, etc...but the teen girl thing? I cant get over it. I have poured over many, many articles, medical studies, and other forums trying to understand why. Why teen girls?! I can easily deal with all the rest, but teen girls I can't deal with. I mean, our daughter is 8 now, when she's a teen is he gonna go all American Beauty on one of her friends? Is the teen girl the pinnacle of male attraction? Is it never going to get any better for a man, than a nice fresh teen girl? Im old now, far away from my teen years and I've always had big insecurity issues about myself and their getting worse now, knowing I'm getting old and now knowing I'll never measure up to a teen girl fantasy. He worked at a restaurant for a couple years that was struggling to pay its employees. He would get paid maybe once a month if we were lucky. I was on maternity leave after having gave birth to our daughter. As a result of his job not paying him we lost our car and almost the house. I wondered why this married man with 2 kids would stay at a job that didnt pay him? Now that I've stumbled across the teen thing with him, I recall a teen hostess that worked there that he would mention sometimes. Just in passing, casually, something funny she said or some show she watched that they apparently discussed. She was still in high school and he wanted to go to a band concert of hers. He didnt end up going because I was so weirded out this married man with kids would rather spend one of his few evenings off at a high school band concert instead of with his family.
Around the same time I had discovered a **** pic on his phone he had taken of himself at work, in the damn bathroom stall! Funny how he told me they were so busy that day he barely had time to eat. Strange because he had enough time to lock himself in a stall, get his **** hard, and then take a pic...or i wondered if it was hard already?(i did not snoop with this, it was close to christmas and every year I gather our phones together and pick out all the great kids pics and get them printed and send to his mom). I confronted him about the **** pic and he claimed it was meant for me but he forgot to send it. And now I wonder if that pic was meant for Teen Hostess Band girl? Is it normal for 41 yearold men married with kids to be looking at teen photos on Facebook? Or to even go to band concerts of the teen girls they work with?? Should I be worried?? Should i just shrug this off like it's no big deal? When I look at him now all I see are photos of teen girls smiling in front of their lockers and I'm disgusted. Even if he is just looking, I cant help but wonder what he thinks as his eyes rove over these teen girls. Is it sexual? He was a shy, nerdy late bloomer and didnt lose his virginity until he was 22, so obviously he never got any teenage girls in bed back in the day. Is it just a fantasy? Even still all I can think about is all the sexual things he must think when he's looking. It seems so perverted, really. I dont want to confront him, because I'll have to fess up I was snooping, and Im not a regular snooper. Only if I think something is off and I need to further investigate. And also because I believe whatever he tells me he's convinced himself it's the truth.. even if it's not. I feel like I'm being gnawed alive from the inside out over this. My stomach is in constant knots and I feel sick over it all. Anyone have any advice? Am I being crazy about this???